Training in Gomorrah - Part II

As it turns out, I am an INTP. According to the test we were given today, this makes me introverted, intuitive, thoughtful, and perceptive. Introverted my foot! Little did the test know that in about five minutes I’ll be at the Tiki Bar for social hour. There I intend to accomplish at least the following: A) eat a lot of cheese, B) lodge an official complaint about my exclusion from last night’s Men’s Topless and Tight Fittin’ Jeans Contest, and C) party ‘til my pants fall off.

This day was somewhat of a non-event relative to the ringer I was put through yesterday. It started with some cinnamon french toast. Despite it being a little bit eggier than it needed to be, I thought it was kind of good. The french toast, according to the menu, is the “signature item” served up in the restaurant here at the Holiday Inn Saskwatch. In fact, there are laminated posters illustrating french toast at practically every turn in the common areas of this place. I submit that french toast, no matter how good, is nothing to hang one’s hat on. It is bread dipped in raw eggs. Perhaps if the chef were a baby this would be something to be proud of, but these are adult motel workers who have elected to compete with the neighboring lodges based on the quality of their egg bread. I’ll be back to tell you some more stuff after I get done going over to the Tiki Bar.

Now that I’m back I’ll take up where I left off. Training was good today. We learned about teamwork. Part of learning about teamwork is watching a movie about teamwork. If you’ve seen many instructional videos, I bet you can guess what the soundtrack was like. Can anybody tell me what instrument they use to make those soundtracks and why that instrument seems only to be used in instructional videos? And the actors! Good lord. Where do they get these people? Are they volunteers?

A man with heavily over-styled hair by the name of Rick Rosenthal narrated the teamwork movie from what appeared to be the same studio where Robert Tilton broadcasts his Word of Faith television program. At one point Rick was standing in a very narrow area between a desk and a wall and explained how conflict – when managed properly – can be a good thing. I understand what he was saying, but I’m not sure why he needed to deliver his message in such a cramped and peculiar location. I can’t stop trying to figure out under what circumstance a person would ever end up standing between that desk and wall. We’re talking 18 inches max.

At lunch a person from Iowa asked me if I have a hard time telling the truth. I told her no, and would she like to come out dancing with me tonight. After all, I brought all these leotards and they’re just going to waste sitting in my luggage.

This brings me back to earlier when I was about to go over to the Tiki Bar. Sadly, the people in charge determined that weather conditions were too unstable to have social period outdoors. The fun was moved indoors (H.I. Sunscratch Conference Room Surf D). The good news is that they didn’t forget the cheese. The bad news is that there wasn’t anybody around for me to lodge my tight fittin’ jeans complaint.

After having cheese I wanted to go out for other food. We headed left out of the motel parking lot looking for a nice place to eat. We passed lots of places that offered a variety of different types of products and services. Usually these businesses, in addition to their bread and butter product or service, offered a secondary product or service. Let me try to remember some places: T-shirts and Coffee; Bathing Suits and Jerky; Lumber and Tattoos; Beanie Babies and Fun. Finally we happened upon a place called “Pizza and Restaurant”. I had pizza (hamburger and pepperoni). It was good! On the way back we decided that we wouldn’t mind having a little bit of ice cream. We didn’t stop at the first ice cream place we saw because none of us also needed piercings. You should have seen the teenage vermin blocking safe entry to that den of questionable repute. Patience paid off in the end though, when we found a really good place known as “Sweet Temptations & Internet Connections”. If they were trying to rhyme, they should know that “temptation” and “connection” do not. At “Sweet Temptations & Internet Connections” you can buy lots of sweets (even candy cigarettes), and you can also use the Internet. They charge $3 for the first 15 minutes of Internet usage. Obscene! My malt tasted good!

I need to get going because it’s karaoke night at the British Pub, but let me tell you that the water pressure here sucks, the shower in my room is too small, my hair and scalp are not reacting well to the amount of moisture in the air here, and I use female facial scrub. More on all of this later in the week.

Good night from the twilight zone.