Atlanta

The best thing about Atlanta is the way that it’s water interacts with my hairdo. In case you haven’t seen it, my hair has definite problems. During high school the only thing good I could do was this trick combining static electricity, a blanket, and my head hair. I would rub and rub my head with a blanket until I knew that the quantity of electricity was sufficient to make a light bulb flicker. People liked me. In return for friendship, I paid a pretty serious hair price. All of that rubbing caused my hairs to become really wiry. Plus, none of the separate hairs will go in the same direction without the use of large helpings of hair care products – which I refuse to use! I HAVE A SENSITIVE SCALP. Lots of people think I’m going bald (but I’m not). I have what are called “dueling crowns”. Most people have one crown. Since I have two crowns, I give off the illusion of going bald. The crown is the part of your head where the separate skull platelets come together. On a baby it’s called the soft spot. If they turned you/(me) into a kabob, they’d stick the skewer through your (my) (dueling) crown(s). If you were corn on the cob, they’d stick one of those things right in your crown. So I’ve had to find other things to take pride in besides my hair (e.g., abs, puppet shows). But when I came to Atlanta, and, more specifically, to the JW Marriott Lenox, that all changed! To be continued…

(This never was continued, but let's suffice it to say that the people of Atlanta are very mean to me. I asked one lady if she knew where there was a movie theatre. She said "Yes" and kept on goin'. I HOPE TO NEVER RETURN TO ATLANTA!)