Going Around in Garland with my Mom
Let me say right up front that I had a really fun time with my Mom today. So, if you're reading this Mom, don't think I'm making too much fun of you. It's just that you did a number of things that I think are funny so I'm going to put them on the Internet. In a world where some people don't have a Mom, maybe those some people would like to get to want to need to have to read about our day of fun.
1. On our way to lunch, my Mom drove. I think it's the first time I've been in a car that she's driving since I was a teen (now I'm 31 and don't trust teens). Here's the thing - my Mom feels some sort of an obligation to steer just because there's a steering wheel in the car. We can be heading down a straightaway, yet she continues to steer just a little bit. Now pretend that you are going around a bit of a curve in the road. Instead of smoothly turning through the curve, my Mom makes a series of abrupt angular steers. Where it would take me one gentle turn of the wheel to negotiate the curve, my Mom makes 15 or 20 small turns of the wheel. The incessant steering made me nervous and tired, but it was fun to keep moving uselessly all around the road like that! Weeeee! P.S. The over-steering gets even worse when she's gabbing on her cell phone.
2. When we finally got to the restaurant, here's my Mom's account of how the meal went:
A. The rolls weren't fresh.
B. The back of the booth angled slightly inward.
C. The service was bad.
D. The music was worse.
E. It wasn't the best lasagna she's ever had.
F. She could have used another diet coke (they were $1.75 each).
We decided that the problem is that she's getting pretty old and old people like to not like things. But I'm not complaining on account of I had fun!
3. When we got back, I learned that:
A. I need to pick some weeds.
B. I should sweep off my porch at least once a week.
C. my Mom was looking for the therMOMeter to take my temperature on account of my bathroom was clean (she announced that she was trying to find the thermometer at least three times!).
D. I need to squirt the hose at my garage door.
E. I need to hose off my house.
F. the oscillating fan on my porch is going to get stolen.
But, seriously, I had fun with my Mom. She's pretty good most of the time. I spent over $50 on her at Mother's Day!
posted by Larry Feathers @ 10:28 PM
6 Comments:
Jeff, it's me, Mom. Yesterday was fun, and you described it exactly right. I'm glad you had a good time. Did you ever find the therMOMeter? I still need to take your temperature. I didn't know that you hadn't ridden with me in so long. Let me know when you want to take another ride. Be sure to keep those weeds picked along the sidewalk. It looks good when they're gone and bad when they're there. See ya! Mom
Hi Mom. First of all, my name is "Larry Feathers". Second, the last time I rode in a car you were driving was that time when you crashed the LeBaron on the way back from Indiana. You ended up with a deviated septum and I with hurt feelings that you would try to kill me.
Larry, sorry I got your name wrong. I get so mixed up sometimes! I hope you and your friend have a good lunch after he takes his bath. Did you take your bath? I guess you need to try some of that shampo your aunt suggested. Did you ever notice how bossy she is? Have a good day! Mom
Larry, one more thing....we need to be careful what we talk about on here. Your sister found out we went to lunch yesterday without inviting her, and now she's upset. I try my best to keep things even!
Mom
Larry,
What a dodo you are, to tell everyone how much you spent on your mom for Mother's Day. That is such a "guy thing" to say.
Larry,
You have a lovely home, and might I add a lovely family! However, I was riding in your automobile along side you the other day, and I found your driving to be a little erratic. You refused to obey any of the traffic laws, ie.. stop signs, traffic signals, etc.. I am a little concerned. Please try a take better care of yourself.
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