Chicago to Dallas (you should probably read "Buffalo to Chicago" first)

Here’s the stuff I bought at the Prime Outlets:
(1)pant
(2)shirts
(1)fishing vest
(1)book (Americana by Don Delillo)
Everything was on sale plus I got an additional 10% off for being a Prime VIP. I bought Americana at Books Etc from a man called Gargamel who was quite a character. He told me the following Greater Buffalo fun facts:

•The Niagara Falls area is controlled by the Italian Mafia.
•The average visitor to the U.S. side of the N.F. spends $20. That compared to $220 on the Canadian side.
•Prime Outlets is 90 days late paying its note and the bank is considering foreclosure.
•The lady who works in the Harley Davidson store next to Books Etc spends cash like it’s burning a hole in her pocket.
•The people in local government in and around Buffalo are getting their palms greased by somebody or other.
•A company agreed to build an underground aquarium in Niagara Falls, NY until something happened causing them to pull out leaving nothing but a 30 foot deep booby trap for somebody to fall into.
•N.F. is the former home of the Triscuit. According to Gargamel, the new home of the Triscuit is Erie, Pennsylvania.

Also, at Marshall’s they display their brief underpants on hangers. I always get a kick out that when it happens.

At the end of shopping, I met Stacie, Rodney, and two other people called Melanie and Deanna at the Niagara Falls Prime Outlet Red Lobster for dinner! I had broiled flounder substitute fried for boiled and our server was Kimberley. She was excellent at her job and shook my hand when we were through eating. I thought that was nice.

Speaking of shaking hands, here is a lesson from Sister Mercedes Book of Courtesy: A man should never extend his hand to shake with a woman. It is the woman’s responsibility to extend her hand if she feels like it. Otherwise, I guess you’re supposed to just stand before each other doing nothing. It can be uncomfortable if the woman doesn’t extend her hand, but it’s all about courtesy and we should all try as best we can to use good manners at each other.

I was assigned the task of driving back to Buffalo from N.F., and I think people would tell you that I did a really excellent job of it. Melanie might have driven if not for the lofty number of Long Island Iced Teas she consumed combined with her propensity to get really sweaty whenever she drives across bridges (of which there were two). (I’m only telling you what she told me, and I’m sparing you many of the unfortunate details.)

I’d say it was a pretty fun trip over to Niagara Falls, and I’d like to recommend going over there with Stacie, Rodney, Melanie, and Deanna if you ever get a chance. They were nice to invite me.

I’m still working on the guide to becoming less bloated. It’s taking longer than expected because I decided to write it up as an auditor might write a risk assessment. I’ve had many visitors to this site who have encouraged me to tell about the tools of the auditor’s trade, and risk assessments are definitely a tool. So, in my constant effort to better serve the public, I’m going to combine risk assessment and fatness into one offering.

P.S. If you want as desperately as I to escape the omnipresence of Starbucks coffee, don’t think you can pull it off on a United flight at 35,000 feet. They serve that stuff up here too! Is Starbucks brand coffee really that far superior to less ballyhooed varieties? I think not, and I am at my wit’s end with its popularity, and, frankly, with the people who drink it. However, if you go over to the Starbucks this weekend, may I recommend the new Strawberry Crème Frappucino? It is fun to have!