Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Thanksgiving and a Productivity Pledge

Good evening and season's greetings. Let me take this opportunity to wish you all a happy Thanksgiving. Please let us not forget all that we have to be thankful for this holiday season which is a lot no matter who you are for at least your crazy mother didn't hack off your arms while you were just trying to be a good baby.

First, I must tell you about the intellectual stimulation I received courtesy of someone who - for Anonymity's sake - I'll cryptically refer to as Auditor L. Here is the transcript of our conversation (complete with facial expressions, pauses, and noises that I just couldn't help letting out of my self):

Auditor L: (out of nowhere) "Are you 31?"
Larry Feathers: "Why, yes, I am 31."
Auditor L: (seriously) "Are you going to be 32?"
Larry Feathers: (long pause)
Larry Feathers: (groan)
Larry Feathers: (grimace)
Larry Feathers: (sigh)
Larry Feathers: "Do I believe what you just asked me?"
Auditor L: (silence)
Larry Feathers: "Because certainly you don't expect an answer to a question like that."
Auditor L: "No, I guess not."
Larry Feathers: "What could possibly happen next?"

And this is the sort of thing I am faced with every day! Furthermore (and perhaps more sadly), I look forward to these episodes. Don't ask me why, but I think it's the same thing that causes me to repeatedly watch the Brady Bunches (is that right?) where Greg decides that he wants to "live by exact words" or the one where Marcia keeps telling Charlie that she has to break her date with him because "something suddenly came up" or the one where Peter keeps proclaiming "pork chops and applesauce" in that ridiculous voice trying my best to get an exact count of how many times those phrases are repeated. Indeed, I live for figurative kicks to the crotch.

But is it too much to ask to want a little bit more out of life? I'm starting to feel as if I'm blowing it. Time is really starting to fly, and I'm pretty well convinced that I have one foot planted firmly in the grave as it is. Yet I spend much of my time talking to co-workers about what age I'll be when I get done being this one.

Was I put here to be a GS-12 (not that anything's wrong with that)? Mustn't there be a grander plan? I can't even get a report out! It's time to start producing. Here is my pledge: From this point forward I will become a more productive person. There will be more audit reports, more blog entries, more reading, more walking my dog, more going out into public, less cheese, more not laying on the couch all weekend, less freaking out every time the phone rings because I don't really feel like talking, more miscellaneous, less potatoes, more stampin' it up, less getting mad about things I can't affect, more squat thrusts, less this and that, more not forgetting to change my underpants (only joking - just seeing if you're still reading this), more being glad, etc.

This has been about Thanksgiving and how I intend to start being more productive. Now let's talk about it World!

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will only be known as Dr. B from Kentuckiana. For all you southern folk, simply refer to the logic of Texarkana and work north. Anyway cousin....

A friend once told me, "the good thing about having a complete emotional/spritual/psychological breakdown is that after it is over, nothing really changes." Not sure how this applies here, but there it is none the less.

I also spend entirely too much time on the couch all weekend avoiding phone calls that aren't that bad at all when I actually answer them. I also don't change underwear nearly as often as I should. Seriously.

All in all, Happy Thanksgiving and I love you cousin...sincerely. I have great respect for you and man would we all kick some ass on Cousin Family Fued or some similar game show! Take care.

Dr. B

2:02 AM  
Blogger Larry Feathers said...

Happy Thanksgiving Dr. B.

When will you make your way down here for a vacation? Or, I have a whole upstairs available to a roommate (you) at a very reasonable price. And if you would rather not move down here on account of your family, I say bring them along (though they all won't comfortably fit in the upstairs). There must be some good pharmacist schools around here. PLUS, I have an idea for a restaurant that I'd like to get started. The thing is that I need a manager (Jeremy).

You guys need to come down here!

Let your Mom et al know I say, "Happy Thanksgiving."

8:08 AM  
Blogger Tara said...

Hi to Dr.B. That would be so cool if Dr.B moved down here and lived with larryfeathers. Then I would have someone to go with me to yoga. Dr B is fun to hang out with.

9:27 AM  
Blogger Larry Feathers said...

I'm not sure if I can handle a bunch of yoga going on.

7:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dr. B said...

Don't worry, when I am involved it becomes "Fat Yoga" which is a whole new ball game.

11:05 AM  

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