Being Rocky Dennis

I have giant thighs. Also, I have an enormous neck and extremely long arms. Plus I have a really massive head. My self is a physical improbability.

Pants are either too tight in the legs but just right around the waist or too large in the waist and just right in the legs. I CAN’T STRIKE A PROPER PANTS BALANCE. Most shirts that fit my torso don’t allow for buttoning the top button. So I’m left with a choice. I either leave the top button unbuttoned or I buy a shirt whose top button I can button but that has lots of bonus torso material. Yesterday at Dillard’s I bought the latter.

So tomorrow I’m getting on a plane to New Orleans in my new shirt with proper neck but too much material otherwise. I’ll be uncomfortable the whole trip. All of the extra material will keep creeping up from out of my pants and blousing up around my stomach and chest areas. I’ll look extra bloated. The airline will probably try to make me buy an extra seat to accommodate all of my shirt material. Would it help if I tucked the parts of my shirt that I don’t need into my underpants? I don’t know.

The rest of my family isn’t disproportionate. Why me? I am taller from the waist up than I am from the waist down. Do you think I may have been dropped or beat as a youth and that that could’ve stunted my growth? I wonder how tall I’m really supposed to be. Once when I was about two years old my aunt fed me a whole pot of chili. Could that have anything to do with this?


Miscellaneous

Today at Kroger there was a dad who verbally assaulted the cashier for being out of Copenhagen. I’m ready for the End Times. The good news is that there was olfactory evidence in the bathroom at my work last Friday that they may be just around the corner!

This week I get to go back to Voodoo Barbecue!

Is broth and blood the same thing? If not, why?

Did you know that two words to describe hot dogs are “semi-solid” and “chubby”? Gross.

The new book called The Simple Faith of Mister Rogers is really good – unless you’re against Jesus.

The Fantastic John Wesley Harding’s (AKA Wesley Stace) debut novel Misfortune is impressive and long.

Sirius Radio on Dish Network is awesome.

When my dog Robert died, I stood a metal cross on his grave. I’ve never seen anything like this before, but the ground where he's buried has all but swallowed the cross. There’s about a half inch left sticking out of the ground. We’ll meet again.

When I used to work for my Dad, Robert came to work with me. I had a computer on my desk and it plugged in behind my chair. One day I was eating a bagel that I refused to share with Robert. Robert ran in back of my chair and unplugged the computer from the wall. I turned around to plug it back in. The next thing I know Robert grabs the bagel off my desk and runs over to my Dad’s office. I’d say that’s pretty good thinking!

Well I need to go pack my stuff. So long.