Feelings

Don’t you think that one of the fun things about getting to be alive is experiencing all of the different feelings? We have happy, sad, melancholy, tall, mad, glad, bloated, medium, and bad – just to name a few. I’m lucky because on just about a daily basis I get to experience many of the different feelings. That’s because of conversations I often have with a couple of co-workers who I will refer to as Auditors L. Last week I experienced misery, dismay, confusion, etc… Here are parts of conversations from last week.

Conversation #1
Larry: I’m not feeling so well.
A.L.: You are sickly.
Larry: Yeah, have I ever told you that when I was a little kid I averaged missing over 30 days a year of school? I used to get even more ill than I do now. Once I had mono and hepatitis at the same time. I nearly passed away.
A.L.: I had perfect attendance.
Larry: (dumbstruck)
A.L.: I was All-Defensive player of the year in softball.
Larry: (mouth agape, but silent)
A.L.: I was also All-State.
Larry: (walks away, defeated)

Conversation #2
A.L.: Hey, do you know how to make a double layer cake?
Larry: Yeah, you just make two cakes and put them one on top of the other with icing in between.
A.L.: Yeah, bet there is some kind of a cake pan you can buy that makes the whole thing together at once, right?
Larry: Not really. (stunned, walks away in disbelief)

Conversation #3
A.L.: Do you think a diamond necklace is a good gift?
Larry: I don’t know. It seems like an expensive gift.
A.L.: Well, it’s not about how much it costs. It’s about what it signififies.
Larry: Good lord. (walks away, defeated)

Conversation #4
Larry: My dog got hit by a car this morning.
A.L.: I could really use a smoothie.
Larry: I think my appendix is about to rupture. Will you please give me a lift to the hospital?
A.L.: No, I just had my car washed.
Larry: Well, could you at least call the ambulance?
A.L.: I might crack a nail on the dial pad.
Larry: Would you like me to go to the store and buy you some Nerd Ropes and Swedish Fish?
A.L.: Yes. Will you go now?
Larry: I would, but I’m internally bleeding to death.
A.L.: Did I tell you about saving 10% at Foley’s?
Larry: Yes, several times.
A.L.: They were giving 10% off to the first five people at the store at 2:30 in the morning. I am so tired.
Larry: (gasping for breath) Seriously, will you please take me over to the hospital?
A.L.’s cell phone: (ring a ling a ling)
A.L.: Hi Chris. What’s that? Really?
(hang up)
A.L.: I’ll see you later. They are raffling off tickets at Parks Mall.
Larry: Tickets for what?
A.L.: I don’t know. I think pre-season Cowboys tickets for 2007. See you later. Don’t die.
Larry: (laying in the fetal position, defeated)