Simon & Garfunkel Old Friends Tour (a review by special contributor Frannie Funkmeister)

Hello! My name is Francine and Larry Feathers is a good pal of mine. Larry has agreed to let me share my experience of the Simon & Garfunkel concert that took place at the Frank Irwin Center in Austin, TX. Thank you Larry for allowing my thoughts to appear on your blog! Thank you also to Larry’s loyal readers for taking a break from reading Larry’s adventures and to share in my adventure! Hope you enjoy it!

I attended the concert with my mom. Now let me set the record straight. I’m 25 years old and it was I that dragged my mom to the concert, not the other way around. I guess I’m just one of these strange people that doesn’t fit my own time period. When I was growing up their concert in Central Park was a thing of the past and Paul Simon was asking everyone to call him “Al” and he would call us “Betty.” I’ve always listened to music and watched television shows that were before my generation. And I’ve done so by choice not because I was forced to listen to “oldies” or watch “classic” television but just because I like to.  I can name more of the bands on the “oldies” radio station than my mom. I just like that music and that time period and I have a great reverence for it. Anyways back to the concert.

When I heard that Simon and Garfunkel were coming to Austin I knew that I had to go. I’m trying to make a conscious effort to catch bands whose popularity was before my own existence but who have continued to tour. I’ve so far seen Ringo and his All-Star band (which included members from the Who, BTO, and the Rascals), Johnny Rivers and now Simon and Garfunkel. I still have yet to see the Rolling Stones but that’s because they still haven’t retired. I expect the Stones to do at least a couple of more tours and maybe I’ll catch them then. For right now I don’t feel urgency.

I decided to take my mom because she is a great mom. She takes care of our little girl during the day while my husband and I are at work. I thought that having a night out would be a great way of giving her some extra thanks for all that she does for our family. My mom wanted to go because she said that she didn’t get to experience and appreciate the music back then because she was to busy concentrating on college.

The type of concertgoers for this event is pretty much what you would have expected, a mix between baby boomers still living the hippie life and very well to do baby boomers that could afford to pay the ridiculous ticket prices. (Highest price tickets were $185 a seat and the cheapest tickets were $50) And by well to do baby boomer you know what I mean. The men are dressed in their khaki pants and either polo or button down shirts with expensive watches. Their wives are wearing matching capri outfits with their clutch purses and bauble bracelets.

Mom and I arrived and were in our seats by 7:30 and the concert was supposed to start at 8 pm. The two of us are pretty reserved so we were happy to see that our seats were in a weird niche in the mezzanine section in which the only seats in our row were our two seats. There would be no annoying people behind us to accidently drop food on us and no annoying people to either side of us to fight over arm rests with. The only other concertgoers that we would have to deal with would be one row of people in front of us. And by 7:40 it looked good there was no one in front of us yet, only a couple drinking some cocktails to the right of the two seats directly in front of us. Being that my mom and are both small in stature we were hoping that these people wouldn’t show up. But I knew that these bozos would show up probably sometime after the third song, loud and obnoxious with their mixed drinks. Showing no respect for the performer or the rest of the audience. I’ve had to seat behind these kinds of people before at the theatre, sports games, etc.

At 8:02, the lights in the Irwin center started to dim. The crowd starts clapping and…nothing happens! The concert does not begin. False alarm! At around 8:15 the crowd starts chanting for the concert to begin. Still nothing.  But at this time the people in the row in front of us show up. A bald portly man, who I will refer to as Mr. Moneybags announces with his beer in hand, that he has tickets for these first eight seats. He keeps repeating so that everyone can hear. He’s pointing at the first eight seats. I thought to myself,  “Come on man we are all in the same section as you. We all know how much you paid for these seats because we paid the same. You are not impressing anyone!” 

You may be thinking now, “But wait a minute wasn’t there a couple enjoying cocktails in the row in front of you?” Yes, there was. I guess those weren’t their seats after all. I can only guess they went back to their own seats. Maybe like my mom and I, that couple had also wished that those seats would remain empty for the entire concert. Oh well!

Finally at 8:20 the lights went out and the show started. A video played on the screens with the sounds of Simon & Garfunkel playing as a soundtrack. Our seats were directly across from the video screen so we had a great view. The video showed significant events throughout the history of our country mixed in with pictures of Paul and Artie at their various stages in life during those time periods. The video ended, the stage lights went on and there were Paul and Art! Our seats also allowed us to look down on Paul’s now balding head. We also had a nice view of Art’s signature and ever present fro. I apologized to my Mom for how bald Paul was because I knew that she had once thought that he was really cute. (And he was!)  Mom also thought that Paul should have worn a nicer shirt. I agree it looked like his shirt was faded from being washed too many times.

Sitting in front of us, one of Mr. Moneybag’s friends was a lady I’d like to refer to as Drunk Lady. For some reason Drunk Lady thought that we would like to look at her misshapen feet all night. She took off her shoes and put them up on the rail. Every time I wanted to look at the rest of the band playing or the video screen I had to see those feet! But that wasn’t everything.  Drunk Lady apparently thought that every song revolved around her.

Mid-show Simon & Garfunkel were joined by their idols the Everly Brothers. (The Everly Brothers sounded fantastic! They were absolutely adorable!) When the Everly Brothers sang the romantic “Let it Be Me”, Drunk Lady turned to her husband and started rubbing his baldhead. She also started serenading him. Thank goodness I couldn’t hear her but I could see mouthing the words “let it be me.” But yes there is more!

During “Mrs. Robinson,” Drunk Lady again started getting “frisky” with the baldhead. She got up and did the quintessential drunk dance. She threw her arms in the arm and swayed back and forth. You know what I’m talking about. Apparently she was trying to seduce her husband a la “Mrs. Robinson.” She continued her antics when during the 1st encore, Simon and Garfunkel played “Cecilia.” But probably the moment that bothered me the most was at the end of the second encore while “The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feeling Groovy)” was still on she decided that she had had enough and began planning for the mass exodus from the auditorium. She pulled out a brush and started brushing her hair. She wasn’t even looking at the stage anymore!  Both my Mom and I thought, “Geez lady, when is the next time you are going to get to see these two genius performers together again!” I mean I soaked up every minute of the concert hoping that it would never end and this lady has become bored with it!

Well in the end the concert was a great experience. There were moments when you thought that the two of them would just fight and break up again, right in front of everyone. All of which is part of the reason why you would go see these two great guys, for the tension.  Simon and Garfunkel were as great as to be expected. Paul and Artie did two encores. We had hoped for more but I’m sure they needed to mellow out. If you know what I mean and I think you do.

My Mom and I had a great time together.  And I even got some cool souvenirs. I got a program and a t-shirt. But we waited in line forever. They had one huge line that was for people paying by credit card (which included me). We were the last people in line. My mom asked me, “Are you sure this is the line for credit cards?” I said, “Yes, there’s the sign.” The lady in line in front of us turned and asked, “This line is for credit cards?” She then proceeded to get out of the line. My mom and I looked at each other with the acknowledgement of what the other person was thinking. As we moved up in taking the lady’s place, my mom once again asked (but a lit louder) “Are you sure this is the line for credit cards?”  This time our plan didn’t work so we just waited until we finally got to the souvenir table.

Well hopefully you have enjoyed my adventure. I know it was a long but hopefully it read easy and quickly. Thanks again.
 Oh and go see Simon and Garfunkel if they come to your town! Rock on!!!

The Reverend Al Sharpton Just Shouted for 20 Minutes Straight!

I just watched the Reverend Al Sharpton give one of the most ridiculous speeches in American history (if you don't include the one given by Steve Brozak just prior).  If I may paraphrase something the Reverend Al Sharpton yelled:  "If George Bush had been president in 1954 (when Brown v. Board was decided), Clarence Thomas probably would never have been allowed in law school."  Since when is George Bush a segregationist?  I'll make you a deal.   If any speaker during the Republican National Convention makes a statement that inflammatory (as judged by me), I will give you each $100!  Statements like the Reverend Al Sharpton's can't possibly help his party's case, can they?  It's not the Democratic agenda I find so objectionable as the lowlife tactics employed by its leadership.  If John Edwards is decent (and I think he might be), he'll come out and apologize to America for giving the Reverend Al Sharpton an opportunity to speak.

Is Joe Lieberman the same guy who played Senator Palpatine in Star Wars Episodes I and II?

 

 

Here is the latest picture about what's going on with my hair. I think it's starting to look pretty good. 

Game 3 Injury Report: CUTS ON LEG 

Big Mama’s Chicken & Waffles

Last night I was driving around and noticed a new place at the corner of Audelia and Forest in Dallas.  It is “Big Mama’s Chicken & Waffles”.  BMC&W is shaped like Burger Street (which is shaped like Rally’s (someday, if you feel like throwing up, ask Vickie W. about Rally’s special sauce)) and at 10:30 PM there was a line wrapped clear around the building!  They must make some good chickens and waffles.  Oooweee!

Say, it’s been a really long time since I’ve written anything on here.  There are a few  reasons.  First, I have been really busy.  Second, I’m in a bad mood.  Third, my sister told me that people probably don’t get it (the way I write).  She told me I should go read Gordon Keith’s blog (to look at it you must go to www.theticket.com and click on the Gordon Keith link).  She said it is very interesting.  Please tell me what this (www.larryfeathers.blogspot.com) is if not interesting? I’m not the kind of guy who won’t take criticisms and suggestions to heart.  Tell me, readers, what can I do to make this any more fun?  Good lord - I have music, information about food, consumer reports, and miscellaneous.  What else do you want?  Poems?  I am taking requests.  Talk to me.

I am sponsoring a contest.  The winner gets a t-shirt of my head.  Here’s what you have to do.  Write a new verse for the Larry Feathers Theme Song.  The panel will determine the best verse and award the prize.  You may post your entries as comments.  The contest ends August 31.  I hope somebody participates.

Thanks, Kevin, for the new renditions of the theme.  I hope readers will enjoy the new Birds ‘n Guns version. 

Here is a Grey Shirts update.  We lost our first game by forfeit (none of us showed up).  We lost our second game 9-8.  I had a triple and I’m pretty sure the left side of my heart exploded as I rounded second base.   I also made a really stupid error that probably cost us the game.  We lost our third game Friday night 13-11.  I was good on defense and baserunning, but couldn’t hit my way out of a wet paper bag.  I sustained injuries – cuts on leg.  I’ll post a picture later.  That puts us at 0 wins and 3 losses.  Things aren’t looking too good for the Grey Shirts.

Man oh man I wish I could write about a person I met in Florida last week at training, but I can’t very blatantly for he might read this.  Let me just say one thing.  And this is against my better judgment (however, it might make my blog more interesting like Gordon’s).  I’ll try to keep it cryptic enough so that I don’t get beat up.  It isn’t becoming to speak like a gangsta when you are in your mid-twenties and are as extremely white as you are.  It is ugly to curse and get drunk in a hot tub with little children.  What gets me is that I caught you saying some things that were actually thoughtful when you thought nobody was listening.  Your momentary lapse into decency takes away any excuse you might otherwise have had for your shoddy behavior.  

On the contrary, Aaron from Baton Rouge is a really swell guy.  Also, thanks Deanna for eating French toast with me and then taking me to the airport.  You have an awesome minivan! 

Get ready for these features coming soon:
1. Daily listings of what I eat
2. Music and movie recommendations
3. Interesting opinions
4. Other
Be sure to comment with any recommendations.

I will write more soon, but now I’m feeling tired.  This is going to be a fun week in Austin.  I get to stay in the Driskill, bowl, play baseball with kids, go to a stampin’ party, maybe go to a Round Rock Express game or two, and more!   

Be sure to watch the DNC this week.  It should be very enlightening.  Teresa Heinz Kerry seems mean.

Albert has the hiccups.  Some day I’ll tell you about when my grandpa had the hiccups for over a month and then slept with his eyes open for the rest of his life.

Bye bye.

In case somebody is in a band that wants to add the Theme Song to your repertoire, here is the sheet music. There are three sheets. Don't forget to play it with gusto! 

Here is sheet two of three.  Let's rock! 

Three of three.  Swing! 

Cutting the Demagogue Down to Size

It makes me mad that some people, no matter how incredible, are afforded a better forum to advance their agenda than me.  It makes me more mad when these people are irresponsible with the facts.  It makes me most mad when the public buys any line of crap that comes down the pipe hook, line, and sinker.  Sometimes our emotions overwhelm our ability to think rationally, I guess. 
 
This for the sake of fairness:
 
'Fahrenheit 9/11' and the cold, hard facts
With varying degrees of truth, some conclusions in Moore's movie are up for dispute
09:51 PM CDT on Saturday, July 17, 2004
Knight Ridder Tribune

WASHINGTON – Michael Moore's film Fahrenheit 9/11 has been called many things: incendiary, thought-provoking, satirical, propaganda.
But is it true? A close viewing of the film and a review of the record provide a more nuanced picture.

Frozen in time: On Sept. 11, 2001, President Bush was visiting an elementary school in Florida. Two hijacked planes have crashed into the World Trade Center towers, and Mr. Bush is sitting in front of second-graders reading My Pet Goat. In the movie, the president appears frozen after his chief of staff, Andrew Card, whispers the news in his ear. The movie slows the frames, which exaggerates each movement. Mr. Bush remains in the classroom for seven minutes.
 
An interim report by the commission investigating the government's response to 9-11 reached no conclusions about the president's actions. The report said that the president "felt he should project strength and calm until he could better understand what was happening." The 9-11 panel found that while Mr. Bush read the children's book, the government's response was in disarray: air traffic controllers wondered if the military had been asked to intercept hijacked planes and who had the authority to shoot down planes.
 
Saudi flights: Mr. Moore says the administration allowed 142 Saudi Arabian citizens, including about two dozen relatives of Osama bin Laden, to leave the United States after Sept. 11 without proper questioning by law enforcement agencies. In the film, Craig Unger, author of the book House of Bush, House of Saud, says that none of the Saudis underwent serious scrutiny. The 9-11 commission's interim report said law enforcement officials interviewed 30 of the 142 Saudis, including 22 of the 26 people on the flight that took most of the bin Laden relatives out of the country. The report said none was of interest to the investigation. Most bin Laden family members reportedly severed ties to the al-Qaeda leader years ago.
 
Saudi connections: The movie implies that James Bath, a friend from the president's days in the Texas Air National Guard, might have funneled bin Laden family money to an unsuccessful Bush oil-drilling firm called Arbusto Energy. The accusation is a stretch, said Bill Allison, managing editor for the Center for Public Integrity, an independent watchdog group based in Washington. "We looked into bin Laden money going into Arbusto, and we never found anything to back that up," he said. The center found that Mr. Bath managed the assets in Houston of Salem bin Laden, Osama's oldest brother. Mr. Bath also invested $50,000 in Arbusto in 1977 and 1978. There's no evidence that the money came from the Saudis, Mr. Allison said.
 
The war on terrorism: Mr. Moore says that the administration used the threat of terrorism to make Americans willing to give up some civil liberties but that Attorney General John Ashcroft "turned a blind eye and deaf ear" to fighting terrorism before 9-11. While the administration disagrees with that assessment, former FBI director Louis Freeh told the 9-11 commission that fighting terrorism "was not a national priority." The commission is expected to issue harsh criticisms of Mr. Ashcroft's anti-terrorism efforts before the attacks.
 
Bush and veterans: Mr. Moore charges that the Bush administration has cut veterans benefits. In 2003, the administration proposed to increase health-care spending for the Veterans Affairs Department over the previous year. Veterans' groups argued that it wasn't enough, particularly at a time when soldiers were in combat. Congress wanted to add more money to the budget, but the administration opposed a higher increase. The administration did cut services to higher-income veterans whose disabilities weren't connected to military service.

Vacation time: Citing The Washington Post, Mr. Moore says Mr. Bush spent 42 percent of his first eight months as president on vacation. The Post calculated the numbers in early August 2001 as Mr. Bush began a month-long "working vacation" at his Texas ranch, administration officials said at the time. The president's supporters say Mr. Moore failed to note that Mr. Bush met with advisers and other officials and was briefed on issues.

Afghan oil connection: Mr. Moore suggests that one of the first official acts of Afghan President Hamid Karzai, who took office after the United States toppled the Taliban, was to help seal a deal for the California-based oil conglomerate Unocal to build a pipeline from the Caspian Sea through Afghanistan to the Indian Ocean. The Taliban balked at the deal when it was originally proposed in 1997, and Unocal abandoned its consortium in 1998. The movie says Mr. Karzai was a Unocal consultant, but Unocal says he wasn't.
 
 
 
 

Now seems like a pretty good time to put another picture of my self in a suit on here. Nobody has ever been as nice as I am in this picture. 

The Larry Feathers Theme

Now, thanks to Kevin and my sister, you will have even more fun when you come to this website! That's on account of the new theme music. Here are the words that you should like to sing out loud whenever you come here. It should be easy to follow along...

La-rry Fea-thers
La-rry Fea-thers
La-rry Fea-thers
La-rry Fea-thers

Hooray for Larry Feathers!
He's a man who likes his cheese
He always has adventures
So join him if you please
For Larry Feathers, sausage is a treat
And so are other kinds of meat

Make way for Larry Feathers!
He's a friend to cats and dogs
And if you want to know some stuff
Come on and read his blogs
Just wait and see what Larry has to say
And you can have a Larry Feathers day!

(Fade out)
La-rry Fea-thers
La-rry Fea-thers
La-rry Fea-thers
La-rry Fea-thers

Here is a place that offers stuff for just about everybody. Plus you can look at a picture of the lady who's gonna sell it to you (Oma).

Say, if you can't see what all Oma has for sale, you can click on the picture to make it bigger. 

Here is another super shopping center. (photo courtesy of Jeremy via Nikki - thanks!) 

The Story Behind the Meatloaf

Here is a meatloaf closeup. The moisture to the right of the loaf is grease.

People who care are probably wondering what's the big deal with meatloaf. Well, it all started last fall when my friend Erik and I went to the big music festival at Zilker Park in Austin. One day as we took a break from rocking we decided to go downtown for some ice cream. Because we had been to the 1886 Cafe and Bakery at the Driskill the previous fall we knew that it couldn't be beat when it comes to ice cream refreshments. So we went back for more! Our waitress was Diana (pictured below). She was nice to us, and told us that if we were hungry that we should want to try the meatloaf. I think it was Erik (but it could've been me) that asked her what kind of a 20-something year old recommends meatloaf to people whose hair isn't silvery blue. So we all started laughing about meatloaf and old people.

To summarize the rest, we ended up not ordering meatloaf (I had never had it until I tried the meatloaf pictured here), I made an "I Luv Meatloaf" t-shirt for Diana complete with a picture of some really horrible looking meatloaf, and Diana is in the process of transferring the shirt's decal to a smaller shirt that will fit her self (she is going to have to buy a sewing kit for this).

So last Wednesday I went down to the 1886 Cafe and Bakery when suddenly appeared Diana, Vanessa (other waitress), Chef, person who stocks the pastry display case, and restaurant manager. They presented me with the small portion of meatloaf pictured here, and convinced me to try it. Do you see the green leaf coming out of the mashed potatoes? I asked if it was there to distract me from how gross the meatloaf was (this may have hurt the chef's feelings!) If I'm honest, I have to admit that it wasn't that bad. My gag reflex only initiated one time, but I'm convinced that that was more psychological than a reflection on the taste of the meatloaf. I can see why people would want to eat meatloaf, and I probably owe my Mom an apology for never trying hers. Diana told me, "Now you can do anything!". I hope she's right about that!

As my first act of trying do anything, I've begun negotiations with Diana and her boyfriend, a chef, to be my consultants as I launch my restaurant idea that is bound to be a smash hit - Pi. More on that later.

Anyway (and finally), the fact that all of those people were nice enough to me to make me try meatloaf was the reason I wrote to the Driskill GM (below). I hope that all of them get raises because they make not getting to be at home better.

P.S. In front of the Driskill are usually horse drawn carriages. Vanessa gave me some carrots from the kitchen so that I could feed horses Ebeneezer and Bobbie Jo. I'd never fed a horse. It was fun and now I want to get one (Doug) for Albert to play with.

 

Diana, Vanessa, and Chef of the 1886 C&B

Here are some of the people you will meet if you go to the 1886 Cafe and Bakery at the Driskill Hotel. They are posing with a small helping of meatloaf. (You can click on the picture to make it bigger) 

The Driskill Hotel Loves Its Customers

Here is a copy of some correspondence I had with the general manager of the Driskill in Austin. I'll fill in details and add some pictures later on...

-----Original Message-----
From: Larry.Feathers@oig.hhs.gov]
Sent: Wednesday, July 07, 2004 11:27 PM
To: JEFFREY TRIGGER
Cc: SCOTT WALKER
Subject: Thanks


Dear Mr. Trigger,

Please accept my compliments to you and your staff on your excellent hotel and restaurants. The Driskill remains the standard bearer in a world where exemplary customer service seems in diminishing supply.

In particular, I would like to single out Diana of your 1886 Café and Bakery. I met Diana last September (I ordered a fantastic sundae with strawberry ice cream), and have enjoyed having her as a server several times since. Always happy to go over and above her call of duty, this evening Diana took it upon herself to encourage me to try the “Mama’s Meatloaf”. Without her support, I would likely have gone to my grave without having known the joy and satisfaction that only loafed meat can bring. Having Diana as a server is a true pleasure (her enthusiastic description of desserts tempts me to order one of each!). I will encourage all of the people I like to come over to the 1886 Café and Bakery whenever they visit your fair city.

Thanks for everything. I look forward to my next trip to Austin and stay at The Driskill.

Sincerely,

Larry Feathers
Auditor
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
Office of Inspector General
(817) 555-5555 ext. 555

P.S. Your lemon sorbet is delicious, and the lobby restroom is first rate. Of all restrooms, yours is the only one I can picture myself actually wanting to rest in. Usually I like to take care of business and get the heck out of there. Also, whoever came up with the dried orange slices is a genius!


Here is the response...

Dear Mr. Feathers,

Your letter made my day! I have relayed your kind words to our team as I know they will enjoy them as well. Diana is indeed a super-star.

We look forward to welcoming you back again, and in the meantime, please do not hesitate to let me know if we can be of service to you.

Jeff Trigger


Stay tuned for pictures of the meatloaf.

Here is a sign of things to come. These are the injuries from today's softball practice. Notice the blisters on the index finger, on the tip of the middle finger, below the middle finger, and on the right side of the palm. I'll try to show you more pictures like this as I continue to hurt myself. 

Softball, Eggs, and Sloth Graphpaper

Let's start with some softball news. The team formerly known as Team Fashion and currently know as the Grey Shirts kicks off a new season on July 16 at 6:30 PM. Soon I will be offering Grey Shirts souvenirs and memorabilia (including some game worn items and scabs) for sale. In the name of softball, I hope that you will buy some of our crap. The team has people on it including me, Brandon, Brent, Brian, Brad, maybe Bill, Jason, possibly Erik, James, perhaps Mike, and other people who I can't remember. In stature, we are a huge softball team. If you like analogies, you can think of us as the Kiss of softball. If you don't like analogies or don't know about rock or Kiss, just know that we are all really large. On average we must be about 6'1" 215 pounds. That's a big average compared to the population taken as a whole. I am number 4.

In a set of recreational leagues where there are five possible divisions and Division A is the best, the Grey Shirts will participate in Division D. And the reason we are in Division D is because they cancelled Division E (we and one other team were the only ones who signed up to compete in E). So get set for Division D softball (and injury) updates.

Speaking of the letter D, I'm reminded of when I lived in Clark Hall at the University of North Texas. Clark Hall had a cafeteria. One morning as I was sitting there, up drove a delivery truck of eggs. The side of the truck said "GRADE D - EDIBLE". Comforting.

I remember the first day that I lived in Clark Hall. My roommate Sloth Graphpaper and I decided that we'd kick off our college lives with some physical fitness so we went over to the Men's Gym. I guess my body was confused about why it was exercising, because after about five minutes of squat thrusts and pickin' cherries my whole self went into convulsions and then complete muscle failure. My first week of college, I had to take an hour to complete what should have been a 15 minute walk to class. I could barely move!

Every day after class Sloth would take a nap. Until Sloth became my roommate I never knew anybody who napped in jeans but with no shirt. Plus he let off a curious smell as he napped – kind of like sour rags. But, interestingly, he smelled normal when he slept at nighttime! I know because I like to sniff people when they are asleep. Just kidding.

I like Sloth Graphpaper. Today he has a wife and at least one baby, and I’m positive they’re nice. A few years back Sloth’s stepfather won the lottery. Curiously, Sloth changed his last name to that of his stepfather’s shortly thereafter. Now he is Sloth Legatowicz. Did you know that Sloth’s stepfather went to high school where they filmed the Breakfast Club? I wish they’d film a movie at North Garland.

Well I need to pack up my belongings on account of I’m going to Austin in the morning. This week I get to stay at the Driskill Hotel. If you please, go to www.driskillhotel.com. It has a nice picture and a beautiful soundtrack. Does anyone know how I can add background music to this Larry Feathers web page? If I can figure out how to make it happen, does anyone want to recommend an L. Feathers theme song? Talk to me!

Have a good evening!

Takin' Care of Business

Here Auditor Lisa enjoys a little breakfast cereal between her morning smoke break and lunch hour. (photo courtesy of Alan) Thanks Alan! 

The courtyard of the fantastic Menger Hotel. 

Vickie's dog Teddy. He's nice! 

Zesto - home to the best chocolate malts and second home to Bob Tylicki. 

The Fourth of July

I think the 4th of July is my favorite holiday. To me it’s the same thing as Christmas without Jesus, nog, and spirit draining trips to the mall (people at the mall hate each other – especially around Christmas). Well, I guess the 4th of July has Jesus for he is omnipresent, but I think you know what I mean – the focus of the 4th of July is more on George Washington and people like that. The 4th of July is Christmas without the hassles of Christmas. For once, everybody seems happy on the 4th of July.

Speaking of George Washington, I want to tell you a story that I heard this morning on the English fox hound edition of Animal Planet’s “Breed All About It”. During the Revolutionary War, the generals usually traveled on horseback accompanied by fox hounds. George Washington especially cared for fox hounds. One day as he was going around looking for the British, he found the lost fox hound of British General Sir William Howe. Because he understood that some people (even enemies!) get sad when they can’t find their dog and that some dogs get sad when they can’t find their owner (even if the owner is an enemy), George Washington called a temporary truce and personally returned General Howe’s dog. That’s why George Washington is the Father of Our Country.

Last night I watched part of the movie version of “To Kill a Mockingbird”. Now allow me to take a second to update my Top 5 List of Fake Dad’s to Imitate if I’m Ever a Real Dad:
1. Ward Cleaver
2. Atticus Finch
3. Steve Douglas
4. Tom Bradford
5. Mike Brady
The addition of Atticus Finch knocked The Reverend Snow off of my Top 5.

And, if I ever have a daughter and a son they will be called Scout and Robert, respectively.

My friend Brandon once knew a horse named “Mark”.

The problem with this 4th of July is that my Dad and I aren’t in Indiana. It is really the best place to be for this holiday. There are usually lots of cheeseburgers and people we don’t get to see too often. My Mom, sister, and Kevin are up there, and they’ve already been to the Zesto and to Kingfish. Now I’m going to pack up Albert to go over and look at my Dad. We will eat meat, watch the Rangers, and sit there. There is usually lots of sitting there when I go to look at my Dad, because he likes taking naps, going to the bathroom, and not making any noise. May there always be a 4th of July!

P.S. Don’t read Running With Scissors by Augusten Burroughs. It is horrible.

P.P.S. In an ad in Friday’s edition of the Dallas Morning News, David McDavid Honda commands you to “Declare Your Independence with Zero Down!” I command you not to buy a Honda from David McDavid because declaring your independence in his fashion is nonsensical.

Here is Albert smiling. 

Photo of My Hairdo Pre-Homeopathic Hair Rejuvenation Strategy 

Projected Post Rejuvenation Hairstyle 

Two Years Left

Well I have some very sad news. This evening I went over to Style America to get my hair fixed again. Frustrated by my stupid looking head of hair, I announced to my female Asian beautician Bobby* that I'm about to the point where I want to shave off what's left. She advised against getting a burr contending that there is still enough there to work with. She continued, saying that "you probably have about two years left." (If you are unfamiliar with my head history, may I recommend that you read the entries called "Atlanta" and "Getting My Hair Fixed".)

Rest assured that I won't give up without a fight! In fact, I've been doing a little bit of research and I've developed a homeopathic hair retention strategy. By combining doses of kali carbonicum and natrum mur, I believe I can retain my remaining hair while regrowing hairs of old and reducing scalp grease. I'm not only going to defy Bobby's bald prediction, I'm going to develop the fanciest set of hair you've ever seen! So move over Mike Brady, Richard Simmons, Neil Diamond, Bake McBride, Kenny Rogers, Mister Rogers, Dick Versace, Fabio, Michael Bolton, Yanni, Artis Gilmore, Patrick Swayze, et al., this sonnuva biznitch is gonna put your collective hairdo to shame.

* I mention my female Asian beautician Bobby not because there's anything wrong with being female, Asian, a beautician, or Bobby, but because it's funny to be female, Asian, a beautician, and Bobby.